I started my progression on the Reiyukai path with her. I was 20 and she was my first companion. She was full of energy. She was rebellious, wild, swift, intuitive, curious about everything, loving and for a long time she was subject to depression…She pictured herself as a flower growing in the middle of rocks. Her life was a constant fight!
She read the sutra with sincerity, which entailed experiences of change but it was only so when she was not assailed with doubts and anger. Just like I had, she agreed to start this practice in the blink of an eye but she practised as an amateur for many years.
We loved each other in an unconditional way. It was an intensely close, intimate relationship but also full of criticism and misunderstanding on both sides. I could feel her emotional states from a distance and she could feel mine as if we were twins.
What a powerful practice! As unconditional love is not enough, I could have lost her a long time before. Thanks to our mutual involvement in this path of progress through practice actions such as the creation of a practice Circle and the changing of our minds, we both evolved towards a different consciousness of the link which united us. Now I can appreciate the amount of progress we made together. It became possible for gentleness, acceptation and understanding to appear and polish our hearts so trapped by strong emotional and affective states. My mother gradually found her place as a mother then as a grandmother…she had become autonomous.
She used to tell me I was the only one who could subdue her mind…I have never let her down, I have always firmly asked the spiritual world to help me accompany her.
I saw my bodhisattva’s heart grow thanks to her…As she was uncompromising and sensitive, she knew how to put me back in my place when my ego was expressing itself instead of my heart of progress. She would make me stop talking and would not surrender to her «daughter-in-chief». From this new consciousness a more accepting heart towards each human being’s different nature was born. This determined me even more to weave a link with the spiritual world in my search of progress with others.
Five years ago she started to commit herself! She became constant and put a lot into practice actions such as attending quarterly meetings, practice circles, reading the sutra and taking part in the national seminary in Amboise, in close correlation with my own progress. Each year, it enabled her to climb up another step towards the change in her link to the world and to others. She got involved in charities again, renewed a closer link with her sister who became her companion, managed to find her Italian family she had not heard of for 20 years. Moreover a new consciousness was born in her relationship with some particular ancestral states which made her feel regret.
When she learnt about her disease, a deep consciousness, well beyond words, grew inside her. She was able to be guided by a direct link with the world of the Awakened. The members of my Circle easily say how good it was to hear her talking and to be with her. Golden cushions were scattered on her path.
I have never heard her complain, I have seen her rejoice at her link with life and others, with the world of the Awakened. She felt extremely confident that her spiritual path was to continue in the invisible world.
I have always felt that my role was to accompany her. I had the deep wish she could realize this marvellous teaching as well as me, no matter the obstacles. I held her hand till her last breath and then precisely the sentence «will transcend old age and death» came to make full sense. I felt most grateful for being her daughter in this life. A heart of thankfulness was born inside me. Since then my wish to fulfill my role as a bodhisattva has been growing more and more.
My heart for her progress will remain as an indelible sign all along my life. I saw her leave for the invisible world having changed for good. I have been able to feel her joy and her serenity since she passed away.
Thank you, Mum, for allowing me to share a part of this path with you.