Discovering consideration

Becoming a leader
22 October 2021

As we were having a discussion, one of my companions told me the people around her were pointing at her lack of consideration and attention for others.

She herself suffers from a lack of consideration from her mother who does not show her enough attention. We left this subject to the care of the Spiritual World on my altar and asked for a new light to be cast on this issue. In the following days the relationship with my partner, who is also my practice companion, became more difficult: he reproached me with my absence of consideration for his actions. As for me I could feel I was suffering from a lack of gratitude on his part for what I was and what I expressed.

I brought up the subject to my elders, Claire and Valérie. The day after I realized I had forgotten to note down an internship Claire and I were supposed to do together. I had taken other professional obligations and could not attend it. I told Claire who felt really disappointed by my defection and perhaps even irritated. When we raised the issue, she told me she could feel my lack of consideration and reproached me with just thinking about myself. I felt hurt and misunderstood. I left that state of mind to the care of the spiritual World on my altar so as to get a new light about it and be guided.

A range of information

The following days, I realized the relationship I had with some of my companions was ill- nourished; I could notice how difficult it was for them to get in touch with me and how difficult it was for me to get news from them, to be sincerely interested in them. Likewise, at work, it appeared to me I was often discriminating between people when I thought of them. I had very few deep relationships and I knew very little about my colleagues’ lives. I could see I had very little interest in them. I would not text back once I had received the information I needed. I did not often give news. And besides I was absolutely not conscious of the effect it could have on others.

My only concerns being my own life and my job I lacked availability or did not engage in regular relationships which were reduced to a minimum. I only showed consideration to others when I could use them for my own ends. For example, my practice companions served my personal development and fed my Circle project for my own satisfaction…To sum it up, I was concerned with myself more than with others. I could clearly see my lack of consideration for what people were, what they did and lived. So I resolved to become closer to my companions and to accompany them for good. In particular I visited a companion who, I could feel, was full of fears and of frailty. Then I had the feeling this fear of the other in general and of relationships in particular was the cause of this lack of consideration and added to her emotional sensitivity, it was the cause of her being self-centred. Like this companion my sensitivity leads me to protect myself from others, it produces suffering and preoccupations which become my only concern. When reciting the sutra I expressed regret for being fearful and asked the Spiritual World to help me develop confidence.

I could also hear my partner’s wish to get some gratitude and thanks from me, which brought me to see I lacked kindness and did not care much for others. That’s why I firmly resolved to devote myself to the transmission of the Teaching for the others’ happiness rather than for my personal development.

Accompanying one’s spiritual friends means being in contact with them, visiting them, suggesting they could take on roles and it does not mean presenting oneself as “someone who knows” but as “someone who humbly wants to learn”. Today my partner has taken on an important role in our practice Family, which I thought was not possible some time ago and my companions are transforming themselves in depth and have become better human beings.